What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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