He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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