i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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