While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
