he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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