Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
