Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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