from now on my penis is your penis
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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