singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
