as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
