you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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