my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I want a musical about memes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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