we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
