He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
