the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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