just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your cock deserves a montage
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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