Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
