I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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