Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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