We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
