Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
