Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
...so i touched it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
