YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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