Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
