I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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