C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
