So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
