And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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