He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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