My underwear smells like fireworks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
