so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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