I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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