This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
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I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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