I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
