end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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