Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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