Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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