I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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