Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
