cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dick very happy bro
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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