We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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