Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
