the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I could fuck to npr.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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