Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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