take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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