why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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