He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
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Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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