he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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