you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
