so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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