I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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