Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
