It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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