watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize