i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize