Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
