If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
