Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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