my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
