the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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