I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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