I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
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