I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
