He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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