i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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