Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
