Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
