I just saw a hot homeless man
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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