Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
