dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
