Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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